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Posts: 1119
Aug 25 07 10:51 PM
I think that we'd also agree that factor number 1 is something over which we have absolutely control.
As for factor number 2, we certainly have no control over our immediate circumstances and there are certainly going to be a lot of circumstances, such as where we were born, that can be extremely difficult if not impossible to change. However, at least some of our circumstances can be changed for better or for worse by number 3 over which we have total control.
So, the key is what we do with number 3 and how do we make those life choices? Do we consciously decide to do something and then do it or is the process more complicated than that. Well, in day to day decisions that we don't think will have a major impact on our lives, we probably do exactly that.
However, when it comes to major decisions, the process seems to be a lot more complicated. This is not my own opinion but it makes a lot of sense to me and it comes from research in both psychology and marketing and marketing and sales people are taught this when they're attempting to sell major products such as automobiles, homes, insurance policies, etc. You'd think that, because these things can consume a sizeable percentage of our budget, that we'd be cold and logical about those kinds of purchases or about major decisions. However, the research has shown rather convincingly that this is not the case.
Basically, we make these major decisions based on emotions, not on logic. That also would include more obviously whom we might be attracted to as a life partner or whether or not we're going to be attracted to a member of the opposite or the same sex. So, if you want to say aha, that proves that homosexuality is not a conscious choice, then go ahead and gloat except that I don't believe that it is either. However, I think that we need to ask what controls our emotions.
Certainly, part of our emotional makeup is controlled by hormones, and other than eating certain foods or, in some extreme cases, taking hormonal supplements, we have little control over our hormones although maybe a lot more than most of us realize. However, what the research has shown is that how and what we think does have a huge influence on our emotions. This is the basis of cognitive therapy and is also used by advertisers and salesmen as well as those who might want to sway us to a particular point of view.
So here's what we have as far as making major decisions. We think a certain way. That thinking influences our emotions and our emotions cause us to act the way that we do. If we manage to associate our actions with particular outcomes, it can change our thinking and that is one of the ways that people have been able to make major behavior changes. This is a process and it doesn't happen overnight. Organizations like AA have been using this technique for years with a great deal of success. In fact, it's what they call their big book where I got most of this information.
Hopefully, we won't have much disagreement on the above because it will at least give us some common ground as a basis for further discussion of your last post. In fact, while I do plan to answer some of the specifics in your last post, I need to take a break and do other things and that will give you a chance to respond to the above if you do disagree.
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