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Posts: 292
Jul 12 08 4:06 PM
I don't know you, but I know your pain. You found a very supportive site…sorry you had to find it, but so glad you did find it when you needed it.
I was married for 26 years to a career Navy man…he wasn't away a lot, but I know the military life can be difficult. It sounds like your marriage started out with two strikes against it….as you know….although children are one of God's greatest gifts, they can place stress on a relationship, as does being in the military. We were married when I was just 17….I had no clue who I was without him. Incidentally, we have 2 sons…23 and 20.
I am not going to promise you that the marriage will work out….and your wife is right….she CAN be a wife without being a mother and a mother without being a wife. When my stbx left me in October of last year, I felt like I would die from the pain, from the shock and grief. I had to live one moment at a time in the beginning….just concentrate on making it from moment to moment….as the fear subsided I could then make it hour by hour, then day by day etc. Now….a mere 8 months later, I am so very okay.
I realized after a week or so that I didn't die….I was still breathing, I had 2 great kids, and an uncertain future….a very different one than I had ever envisioned. I took my strength from the people here at DCS who encouraged me to reflect on the marriage and examine what I really, truly wanted, and to be courageous enough to let go and focus on myself….make myself healthy, and then….either way…whether the marriage worked or not, I was a better, healthier person.
You mentioned your 2 children…they need you and they need you to be the healthiest you that you can be..physically and emotionally. I know the military has counseling services and I implore you to speak to a chaplain or a counselor…someone who can be objective and help you find your path, whether it is to salvage the marriage (which takes 2 willing and dedicated partners) or whether it is letting go of the marriage and moving into a new life, a new path and being the best dad you can be when you have your children with you and when they are far away.
There are people out here who care. This site is full of those kind of generous souls who will reach out and pull you up when you fall, support you as you take your first steps into the unknown, kick your butt when you need it and hold your hand when you cry and rage to get the emotions out.
You may always e-mail me for support and posting here is always a good thing. You might try chat as well…..that was where I had my first real laugh after stbx left me…I remember being quite amazed that I could still laugh. Was the first sign that life wasn't over..it still held joy.
Good luck and remember, people care.
Lisa
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