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HELP! PLEASE HELP!
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Re: HELP! PLEASE HELP!
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CalBob
HELP! PLEASE HELP!
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Jul 12 08 4:27 PM
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I'm not sure what you're asking or what kind of help you expect or want.
All I can tell you is that I see a couple things in your post that might be causing you some problems.
The first is your statement that you rushed into your marriage. Mentioning that tells me that you believe that your marriage doesn't have much of a chance. And, if you focus on that, it won't.
I know of couples, who rushed into marriage, and they've been married over 30 years. I also know of other couples, who had lengthy courstships, went to premarital classes, did their best to make sure that they were making the right decision, and they ended up in divorce court after a very short time.
If I were advising my son or daughter, who was considering marriage, I'd certainly advise doing the latter instead of the former, and certainly doing the latter gives the marriage a higher probability of success.
So, what's the point of my listing the exceptions? The reason is that we don't have to let the past control the present, and, if we do, it can get us into trouble. What counts in a marriage or in any other significant endeavor in life is what we do today, not what we did yesterday.
So, my first advice to you is to love your wife. Notice that I didn't say that you needed to be "in love" with her, but that you needed to love her which you can do without being in love with her. That's how marriages last. People continue to love each other even when they don't feel "in love" and the emotion of being "in love" follows the action.
The other thing you said that could cause you some problems is telling your wife that she needs to be a wife and mother and she can (and I think that you meant can't) be one without the other. That is her decision, not yours, and making statements such as that appear to be controlling and women want their husbands to be their leaders, not their bosses and not their controllers. To put this in military terms, women want their husbands to take the point.
Let me make sure that I have this right. She came to Iraq to try and mend your marriage, and you chided her for leaving her son with her brother? I was never in a similar situation, but, if my wife had done that for me, I'd be thanking her and doing whatever was necessary in order to "help the relationship" as well.
Of course, I don't know the whole story, but, from what you've written, this is what I see. Your wife wants to "help the relationship" and it's probably because she understands that the best thing that she can do for your son is to try to give him two parents, who are still living together as husband and wife in a healthy marriage, even if that means having to have her brother care for him for a short period of time.
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HELP! PLEASE HELP!
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