Dad,
First of all, let me welcome you to DCS! I'm glad you found us, although I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time.
I never expected a marriage to be what mine is. I thought there to be more good times than bad and more love being expressed daily. In order to make this happen, both of you need to come to an understanding. No one gives you a manual when you marry, so you both have to say what you expect from your marriage. If you need more love shown by your wife everyday, tell her that. She's not a mind reader....neither are you. Maybe there are some expectations she has too....ask her.
At the time she felt she had an obligation to finish her duty to country and finish the job she had. She has always been very work oriented yet has not felt very accomplished in the past. This deployment was her chance to "finish what she started". I can totally understand where your wife was coming from here. She felt an obligation....obviously, this is a job she took seriously. Sometimes, in marriage, you need to compromise. I can see where you were coming from too. I was in the military when I got pregnant. I could have finished my obligation (sometimes I wish I would have), but I chose to get honorably discharged so that my son would not lose his mother. I may have stayed in if I would have had family to raise him. You said that you both expressed your feelings on the matter. That's where the compromise part comes in.
I really believe she doesn't love me regardless of how much I love her. Have you asked her this? Have you tried marriage counseling? Have you both sat together and discussed all that you have written here? Like I said, it's important that you both understand your expectations and needs. (and I'm not saying you need to seek antidepressants, I'm merely suggesting counseling for the both of you.) If you talk to your wife and she chooses not to go to counseling, you can still go alone.
I hope that things get better for you. Please keep posting...you will get wonderful responses on this site. image
ww4p