I don't know about the part with your stbx...Mine is scared to show up after all the lies and things he has done....Actually, I like to see him go to church (even the one I go to)...His current lifestyle will only end in heartache and loneliness....
But...for yourself...If you are not walking away from a service with something positive or just feel kind of lost in the congregation, it's time to find one that does leave a positive lasting impression on you. I live in the Bible Belt...lol...There is literally a church on most every street in my small town (approx. 7,500 pop. in the whole county...lol), not to mention the charismatics that meet in their homes...
I also started going to a new church when I separated...actually, I went to several...lol...I finally found one that is less than a mile from my house, is very kid-friendly/oriented, calls a spade a spade, and gets me fired up for the week ahead...lol...They also have activities for the kids during the week and extra stuff in the summer...My church has both a singles/divorced group and a married group. I sat in on both classes (mostly out of curiosity)....I was amazed at the difference in dynamics.
Your faith is between you and God, but it sure is a lot harder to develop that relationship with Christ with a congregation/pastoral staff that is not on the same page....I say start visiting other churches....for you, not because of your stbx.
Take care,
Maggie