((Pinkie))
It sounds like you still have some grieving to do, and that grief is holding you back. That is o.k.. Let it out. If you have to cry for 15 minutes a day until you don't feel like crying anymore then do it.
There is no time table to resolve grief. I've just realized that I am grieving the loss of my life in RI, which I probably will not be able to afford to return to. No one said that there is a limit to loss---just that we must adapt to it.
This is so hard, and I feel for you, but you can do it. I sometimes wonder how long I am going to have to face my grief--and am finally coming to accept that grief will be a part of my life for a long time....but that it not a bad thing, if I learn how to adapt. It is a lesson that I can pass on to my sons--hopefully helping them to be stronger men.
Hang in there, kiddo. I'm rooting for you.