Hi All,
Sorry I haven't checked in at all, but my computer still won't connect to the net for some reason, I am on Brad's laptop and wanted to let you
know that I am doing ok.
It is still a bit odd to be in this house after not living here for a year, and having the memories here be less than perfect when we first moved here 2 1/2
years ago. But as reconcilliations go, we are doing ok. Brad is putting good effort into the relationship each day. He isn't perfect, but I see that he
tries. He is listening when I need to talk and responding in ways that let me know he is trying to understand what I am saying and how I feel.
He has said things over the last 3 weeks that let me know that he does realize that he knows he is lucky that I have agreed to give this a second chance. I
wish I could say that I am 'in love' with him again, but that is not the case yet...I still have a wall up around my heart, and he knows that he is
going to have to prove to me that he does love me, and isn't going to hurt me anymore. I feel that once time passes, and I see what I need to see, that
wall will come down and I will be able to love him again, I think in a better and healthier way.
It is such an interesting way to look at life, we split up for 31/2 months when I was 33, and my reaction during and after that was so different than now. I
suppose at 55 I look at life differently..now I don't have kids to raise, it is just me..and just about me this time.
We are having fun too. We have dated, we are cooking together, grocery shopping together, sharing about our day, and have started working on the house,
something that we have always enjoyed doing together. My sons are still distrustful...and I don't blame them, but they are both supportive of me trying
to make this work. My daughter acts like nothing ever occured....and she and I haven't even talked about the fact that I live here now instead of with
her brother..such denial from her still , but hopefully one day that can be addressed too.
All in all I am doing as well as I could have hoped to be doing. I haven't regretted this choice for a second...and I have hope that all will be well as
long as we both stay honest and open and caring toward each other.
I hope you all are having more good days than bad...and again I thank DCS for supporting me during the most difficult year of my life,
Hugs!Sue




