When I write, I write with I feel. No strings attached or games. Sometimes what I write can be misunderstood. It's no ones fault, it happens. My good moments aren't a lot, but they are starting to happen. I write what I feel at the time, good or bad. Sometimes that gives the wrong impression of what is going on.
So I'm gonna write more clearer.
Today, I had a really good day, almost. I took some good advice and took time for me. I discovered some positive things. Then I had to talk to my stbx about my visited (out of state) to see my daughter. Stbx didn't seem to talk much and it was over in 20 minutes. No hostilities from her, I was surprised. But I failed to tell her how I feel. Our divorce is in progress and she knows it. She goes back and forth on if we can still have a personal relationship after the divorce. I never know for sure what she really wants. I want it over, but couldn't bring myself to tell her that. I don't enjoy hurting others and this might hurt her. Plus I know when I tell her I want it over, I gottta except it to. I love not only being a dad, but I love being a husband. Those two roles were my life, letting go of one of then is gonna hurt a lot. I hate not having someone personal in my life. It's bad right now, when I tell her, I know I'm alone. She walked out on me with my daughter. It was her choice, but I still can bring myself to tell her. I miss looking at a face and feeling loved, I miss holding hands and enjoying quality time, I miss so much of the husband role. chris




