Emotional Me
Divorce… I said it before and I still believe it, it's a B*TCH.
I've been on an emotional rollercoaster ride ever since my wife walked out on me taking my daughter, yelling that she wanted a divorce. That was the begging's of my shattered dreams. I have good and bad days. The bad days hurt so much that I swear I could end it right there, yet the good days (yesterday mostly) make me feel so good that I start to believe I'll be fine and I'll live again. Back and forth I go with my emotions, wishing that they would just level off at a point. It's really all my fault that they don't level off. I am an emotional kind of person. I love to feel and live life and I feel emotions easily. I am trying to cut back or even shut off my emotions as an attempt to stop the highs and lows of this emotional rollercoaster. It's not working out very well. I got a lawyer and am currently pursuing the divorce. My wife knows this, but not all of what I feel. I know that my life with her is over as husband and wife and I need to move on. I wish it was that simple, but divorce to me isn't black and white. I loved being married, a husband, and a dad. Mr. family man is my dream and place in life. Loved every second of it. I will always be a hands on caring dad to my daughter. She's the heart beat of my life, but I hate, simply and truly hate being single. No one really seems to understand that. Not my family, not my church. I could stop breathing a lot easier then I can be single. I need to share my life, see a person face, hear their voice, and fall for them every time. I need to hold their hand, walk with them, listen to them talk, and just be with them. I love being a husband. I know that, that part of my life is gone right now and it just makes the whole thing worst. My emotions and their rollercoaster ride is of my own doing. I allowed my self to feel to much...way to much and I can't seem to shut it down. So, my divorce is necessary for both my wife and I, but it's a B*TCH for me to cope with. If I could do anything to make this whole thing better, I would… close my eyes, let go of the life I have now, and just fall… so fast, so far, into the first cute face, soft voice that came along. I know it's wrong and probably way to soon, but god help me, it's gotta be better then this F'n ride I'm on now. It's gotta be... Chris




