I would really like advice from people who have had to deal with sharing a church after divorce - or who decided to leave and go to a new church.
Today I went to church even though it is stbx's weekend with the kids and he was there with them. It is usually (barely) OK being there at the same time, but today there was a luncheon that I had forgotten about. I couldn't imagine staying and trying to sit together with him and the kids-OR staying and sitting apart. The kids and our friends might feel uncomfortable with us apart and together wouldn't work either. He won't be civil or make any eye contact with me. He goes out of his way to be very lively with everyone else at the table and pointedly ignores me if I sit with him.
A lot of people at the church have been very supportive of me, I think most of the folks sympathize knowing that he just up and left us after his breakdown, refused to even consider counseling etc. They have come up to me to tell their stories, stories of sisters, nieces, friends who were with such an unstable selfish man and later remarried and have done so much better. So I feel comfortable about being divorced in this church, but it is SO hard having to face him every week. Thankfully this is not the church where we were married.....
Also, I have felt for years that the type of service is not quite right for me - it is very formal and leaves me a little cold. I have friends there but few close friends. We were in a social group that has become less active over time and is uncomfortable because they all are married and know both of us but not very well. Our church is medium sized ( 400) and there is no way that I could meet someone new there. Part of me is open to the idea of a larger church with a singles group, or even a divorced group - yes that kind of church exists in a liberal town of 2 million!!!
So I have been considering some options. 1) I could ask my stbx to let us alternate weekends at church. ( I really doubt he would agree to that). 2) I could look for another church that suits me better and go there when I don't have my kids. 3) I could go to a new church every weekend - with and without the kids and explain that just like they have two houses they now have two churches.
What is everyones experience with sharing a church after a divorce? Is it better to get a fresh start, or will people always shy clear of the divorcee unless they have a history with you already? How reluctant are the kids going to be? Is that too hard for them? They have been going to this church their whole lives and feel very at home there. Anybody have luck meeting single Cristians? Any advice is welcome.
Julia
Today I went to church even though it is stbx's weekend with the kids and he was there with them. It is usually (barely) OK being there at the same time, but today there was a luncheon that I had forgotten about. I couldn't imagine staying and trying to sit together with him and the kids-OR staying and sitting apart. The kids and our friends might feel uncomfortable with us apart and together wouldn't work either. He won't be civil or make any eye contact with me. He goes out of his way to be very lively with everyone else at the table and pointedly ignores me if I sit with him.
A lot of people at the church have been very supportive of me, I think most of the folks sympathize knowing that he just up and left us after his breakdown, refused to even consider counseling etc. They have come up to me to tell their stories, stories of sisters, nieces, friends who were with such an unstable selfish man and later remarried and have done so much better. So I feel comfortable about being divorced in this church, but it is SO hard having to face him every week. Thankfully this is not the church where we were married.....
Also, I have felt for years that the type of service is not quite right for me - it is very formal and leaves me a little cold. I have friends there but few close friends. We were in a social group that has become less active over time and is uncomfortable because they all are married and know both of us but not very well. Our church is medium sized ( 400) and there is no way that I could meet someone new there. Part of me is open to the idea of a larger church with a singles group, or even a divorced group - yes that kind of church exists in a liberal town of 2 million!!!
So I have been considering some options. 1) I could ask my stbx to let us alternate weekends at church. ( I really doubt he would agree to that). 2) I could look for another church that suits me better and go there when I don't have my kids. 3) I could go to a new church every weekend - with and without the kids and explain that just like they have two houses they now have two churches.
What is everyones experience with sharing a church after a divorce? Is it better to get a fresh start, or will people always shy clear of the divorcee unless they have a history with you already? How reluctant are the kids going to be? Is that too hard for them? They have been going to this church their whole lives and feel very at home there. Anybody have luck meeting single Cristians? Any advice is welcome.
Julia




