For the past four years I have been trying to get a job as a teacher. I officially decided at the beginning of the 2007/2008 school year that if I
didn't have a full time teaching position by the end of the year I was done - my California credential had some requirements that helped dictate that
decision. Just when (I thought) I came to terms with that decision and the fact that apparently I was going to be a Retail Supervisor instead of a teacher, I
decided to move to Las Vegas where they were actively recruiting teachers, in fact, paying them to come. I decided at that point that if I couldn't get
hired as a teacher in Vegas, I probably couldn't get hired anywhere. I didn't get a teaching job in Vegas - but that was because of budget
issues......I ended up moving to Arizona were I was hired as a preK teacher. Last week I received my temporary Arizona teaching certificate and the exact list
of requirements I need to complete to make it a permanent teaching certificate. I registered for a test I need to take and am trying to decide which
university/college I will enroll in to complete the required courses.
Today I was told my class was being given to another teacher, one who had went to part-time while she student taught at another school and was just returned to
full-time status. I will no longer receive 40 hours a week, instead they will try and give me as many hours as possible. What will I be doing? Tomorrow I'm
helping cover in a room with 2yr olds because that "teacher" needs to take some time off for personal reasons. The person who taught computers twice
a week and pretty much walked around and checked to see if people needed bathroom breaks is no longer working there, so I can do that if I want - I have been
given a couple days to think about that.
The administrator at the school told me she had nothing negative to say about my performance - had never said anything negative about my performance. She
thanked me for always having a positve attitude and not saying anything negative or mean - because she knew I had to be mad about this. And she told me she
understood if I didn't want to come back because this may have just left a very sour taste in my mouth for her school. She told me all of this at lunch and
then had me take the rest of the day off so I didn't even get a chance to tell my kids goodbye, or that I was no longer their teacher. I just walked out on
them while they were napping. And I keep thinking of Claire, my student who had not spoken a single word to any of the adults at that school in the 3 years
that she had went there. Did not speak to the students. But she spoke to me, "I love you Ms. Dana."
Why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep trying to work in a career that so obviously does not want me? I do not like rejection. I do not like pounding my head
against the wall. I'm done. Please, please, please, let me be done with this.




